Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
