There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
