I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
