i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
