Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize