Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
