I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he was CRYING into my vagina
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
