My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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