We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
