They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
