Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
