There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
