So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
