I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
