Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
