My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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