I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
