Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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