The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
