My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
that is very illegal...i love you.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize