I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
