We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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