you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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