I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize