What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
