1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
She bit a glass in half.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
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