"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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