We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
