you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
