Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
