i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
