I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
