Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
