when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
