I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
