The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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