so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
