I cockslap morals
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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