It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
