If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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