Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
