Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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