Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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