if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
