Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Holy shit dude........stairs
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
