A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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