Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize