My Higher Power is John Stamos
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
