Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
