my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize