i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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