Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
