she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
