is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
