dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
