I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize