he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
