Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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