White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I supernannyed him into submission
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
