Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
