WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
