The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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