I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
