Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
should my penis look like a turkey
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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