why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
