Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
