is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
