The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I currently don't understand fingers.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
