Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
"it" just moved
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
