She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
