Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
