Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
