while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Randomize
