shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
