Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
