you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Randomize
