Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
