last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
