Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
