During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
