Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
