i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Randomize
