He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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