I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
