Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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